'Tis the Season...

 No, this is not me, but it should be on Thursday.

...for NOT breathing through your mouth (or nose) while cycling!

Wow.

I normally like to write this blog languishing in a pool of my own sweat (just to keep me in the mood). But today, I had to run straight upstairs and into the shower - I was covered in little creatures.

Every couple hundred yards along the Denver and Rio Grande Western Railway Trail, I hit a very large swath (swarm? collection? herd?) of gnats.

Gnats that stuck to my arms, face, and clothes. I  must've ingested enough of the little suckers to abrogate the need for a post-ride protein shake. By the time I got home, I looked like a 200-mile summer roadtrip windshield in serious need of a squeegy.

At one point, something much larger than a gnat (a big fly or bee) struck me in the face, directly in the nasal septum. I'm telling you, a half centimeter to the left, or a half centimeter to the right, and that sucker would have been firmly lodged up a nostril.

Other than that, the weather was perfect!

I listened to music this time, instead of a book (last time I was riding I listened to The War of the Worlds). I went all the way down to 200 N in Kaysville, about an 8-mile round trip (plus I rode to the Freeport Center post office before starting on the main ride). So, 50 minutes total.

It was pretty tough coming back, since it is a gradual uphill all the way home. Had to breathe through gritted teeth to avoid inhaling the bugs. I must've looked like a maniac huffing and puffing along the trail with a bizarre grin on my face. (That reminds me, I should probably floss...)

When I got home, I shook the bugs off my shirt, and they flew off, likely oblivious to their dramatic relocation. The ones that had stuck to my skin were dead, drowned in a salty fluid. The ones in my hair - well. I ran my hands through my hair, shaking vigorously, and released about 50 gnats.

I'm certain when I blow my nose about 400 gnats will fly out (I'll let you know the exact count).

My sunglasses need a good scrubbing. Next time it'll have to be goggles.

And next time, I'll want to go train-robber style (wearing the bandit scarf across my ventilation holes).

Other than that, it was a good ride. Felt good to be back in the saddle (literally). Not good on my butt, just good in an "I'm making a good choice for myself" kind of way. Truth is, I feel pretty horrible physically, because I worked out again for the first time in a very, VERY long time yesterday. After running a mile again. SO sore.

And I've been eating much healthier.

I think, maybe THIS time, will be the time that I lose all that weight I need to lose. Here's hoping.

Here We Go Again...

I ran a mile today. In 9:49.

Why, oh why, you ask, would I do such a horrible thing?

I am still asking myself that.

It probably has something to do with the Thanksgiving Day 5k (which has officially become a tradition for me) and something to do with the definition of insanity.

I'll keep you posted....

Back in the Saddle

My new nemesis.  The machine, not the girl.  I don't even know her.

But I know she's not doing it right, because she's smiling.  FALSE ADVERTISING!

I'm in a Biggest Loser contest at work.  And I plan to win!

So, tonight I had a buffet.  BUFFET OF CARDIO, that is!!

I started with 10 minutes on the elliptical.  It made my lower back hurt REALLY BAD! So I moved to 5 minutes on the stationary bike - and felt like my calves were going to cramp up the whole time.  So I finished with 5 minutes (0.5 miles) on the treadmill (yes, running!) and my calves felt the same way there (except for those final seconds when I made it go really fast - then I was too busy trying not to die to worry about exploding calves).

I thought the elliptical would be fun.  At first, it was - kinda bouncy and stuff.  But then that lower back pain set in, and got worse and worse.  Of course, the searing pain in my lower back DID take my mind off the discomfort in my quads and hamstrings... Anyway, they need to call it the ecraptical instead.

But, I kept my heart rate up at about 150 the whole time.  20 minutes of cardio is a good start.

I will win this thing!  (My goal is to drop 25 lbs and 5.3% of my body fat in the next 12 weeks.  This may require periods of starvation...)

Photos Found

Apparently, someone posted some photos on Facebook of all the runners about to cross the finish line in that Thanksgiving Day run I did.  So, here are the ones of me and my running buddy, Ryan:

 Here, I am not actually running, I am balancing on my one tippy toe.  Hey, that's hard work!

Near-death experience: here, I am clearly gasping for breath to save my very life.

The last ten feet of my running career.  Turkey, here I come!

If - and only if - I have lost 25 pounds by next Thanksgiving, I may, perhaps, MAYBE, might consider doing this madness again.  ONLY if I lose that weight.  Because I hate running.

Impulse

No, that's not me...I haven't been fitted for mine yet.

My name is Michael, and I've been clean and sober from running for 51 days.  Until today.

But I have a good excuse.

Actually, it's all Griff Neilson's fault.  He posted on Facebook something about it being a good idea to get 5-10 minutes of cardio in before you start a weight training workout.  (Personally, I think this is just junk that trainers make up because deep down inside they hate us flabby people.)  But I trust Griff's judgment, and he's one of the nicest guys I know (despite all this "health and fitness" silliness), so tonight before my workout I thought "well, I guess I'll get on the stationary bike" - but then, on a crazy impulse, I walked over and got on my old nemesis the treadmill.

And ran.

I know, NUTS, huh?

But I figured I could handle 5 minutes, since the first five minutes never bothered me much anyway.

Of course, about 3 minutes in, I already had a stitch in my ribs, but I completed the 5 minutes, covering an even half mile.

Of course, I still hate running.  But I may actually do it again.  I'm crazy like that, I guess.

29:55

Crossing the finish line (YES, that's me - on the right)

That's my official 5k run rime!

I DID IT!

It was crazy-hard, because of all the HILLS!  Hills, hills, hills!  The HILLS are alive . . . with the sound of huffing and puffing!  Oh, man.  I was NOT prepared for the hills.  At all.

My QUADS are killing me... and my nose won't stop running and sneezing!

A big thanks to Ryan, who kept me on pace and encouraged me all the way.  I do not think I could have done it without his support.

The winner of the "Guess My Time" Sweepstakes is: me.  Since I was shooting for 30 minutes and was only 5 seconds off, and nobody else chose to hazard a guess.  Guess I get to read one of my own e-books.  (That's okay, I like 'em.)

After the race, some people were talking about "next time."  Nope.  I am not convinced.  Cycling for me, from here on out.  (There may be future posts here about that...stay tuned...)

I am just REALLY glad I met my goal (which was, by the way, over six and a half minutes better than last year).

And . . . really, really glad it's over!

Because even now, after 12 weeks of training....I still really hate running.

I'm ready for turkey now!  HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 One very happy FORMER runner...

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY

What will be my time?  Enter to win!

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I will do RUN #32 - and FINAL.  I've been training now for over 12 weeks (it actually went by amazingly fast, despite the continual torture).

My shape has changed over this time - slimmer waist, fewer chins, firmer all over - but no real weight loss to speak of.  My Santa belly has shrunk some.  Muscles are stronger, endurance is way up.

I am as ready as I'll ever be for this.

My goal, as you may recall, is under 30 minutes.

In the comments section of this blog post, post your guess for my final time (in minutes and seconds).  The person to guess the closest (you can go over - no "Price is Right" rules) will receive a free e-book from my collection.  There are currently nine books to choose from (there will be a tenth in a couple of weeks).  Feel free to peruse them now...

So, good luck to me, and good luck to you!

FULL POST-RACE REPORT WILL BE PROVIDED TOMORROW...