Those OTHER people

Got any friends who look like this? Didn't think so.

I know people who like running.  Some of them are even good friends.  They tell me that one day, if I keep doing this to myself, I'll start to "like" it.  Huh.

I don't understand them.

They do things like "Ragnar" and "Marathon" and "Iron Man" and other very macho-sounding words.  Does not sound the least bit appealing to me.

It's all so unnatural.  If humans were meant to RUN, our bodies would look more like cheetahs or greyhounds or ostriches.  Or those weird little lizard-things that skim across water like Dash from The Incredibles.

(Hey, did someone say Cheetos?  Mmmm.)

Anyway, THIS body was made for lying down, sitting, kneeling, and walking (within reason).  And for white-boy dancing.  But especially for slouching - which I am doing right now.  I'm very good at it.  I can do it for hours.  Perhaps I'll start a new macho contest called Slouch-nar, where teams of dedicated slouchers push the boundaries of...something...and then put little Slouch-nar stickers on the back windows of their cars to prove how cool they are. 

I hate running.

I will run again tomorrow night.

But I hate running.