29:55

Crossing the finish line (YES, that's me - on the right)

That's my official 5k run rime!

I DID IT!

It was crazy-hard, because of all the HILLS!  Hills, hills, hills!  The HILLS are alive . . . with the sound of huffing and puffing!  Oh, man.  I was NOT prepared for the hills.  At all.

My QUADS are killing me... and my nose won't stop running and sneezing!

A big thanks to Ryan, who kept me on pace and encouraged me all the way.  I do not think I could have done it without his support.

The winner of the "Guess My Time" Sweepstakes is: me.  Since I was shooting for 30 minutes and was only 5 seconds off, and nobody else chose to hazard a guess.  Guess I get to read one of my own e-books.  (That's okay, I like 'em.)

After the race, some people were talking about "next time."  Nope.  I am not convinced.  Cycling for me, from here on out.  (There may be future posts here about that...stay tuned...)

I am just REALLY glad I met my goal (which was, by the way, over six and a half minutes better than last year).

And . . . really, really glad it's over!

Because even now, after 12 weeks of training....I still really hate running.

I'm ready for turkey now!  HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 One very happy FORMER runner...

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY

What will be my time?  Enter to win!

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I will do RUN #32 - and FINAL.  I've been training now for over 12 weeks (it actually went by amazingly fast, despite the continual torture).

My shape has changed over this time - slimmer waist, fewer chins, firmer all over - but no real weight loss to speak of.  My Santa belly has shrunk some.  Muscles are stronger, endurance is way up.

I am as ready as I'll ever be for this.

My goal, as you may recall, is under 30 minutes.

In the comments section of this blog post, post your guess for my final time (in minutes and seconds).  The person to guess the closest (you can go over - no "Price is Right" rules) will receive a free e-book from my collection.  There are currently nine books to choose from (there will be a tenth in a couple of weeks).  Feel free to peruse them now...

So, good luck to me, and good luck to you!

FULL POST-RACE REPORT WILL BE PROVIDED TOMORROW...

Run #31: The Fast Mile

 I . . . am . . . SPEED.  (No, that's not me - I'm not quite so tan.)

Got to the gym very late tonight.  Started out tired.  (Also, ate too much dinner & dessert.)

Also, had plans to do my Day Two workout and then clean the gym (all the other non-vacuuming stuff, which I did do afterward - but I did not work out - was too tired and sore). 

So, I wasn't sure what would happen. 

I got on the treadmill and ran as fast as I could.  After a half mile I wanted to stop.  Really.  But I ended up riding the speed all over the place, and finally completed the mile in 8:10.  That is simply the fastest I could do it.  I really wanted to do it in 8:00, but that will just never happen.  It was really hard!

Oh well, at least it's better than the 15:30 mile I ran about three years ago with the Scouts.  That was the best I could do back then (I was much fatter).  So, yeah, I don't feel so bad.

But I do wonder how things are going to go on Thursday morning.  I'm kind of nervous.

Wish me luck!

Run #30: Half-hearted

Almost there...

Saturday morning I ran again.  I did a half-5k, because my heart wasn't in it, and because I wanted to reserve some energy for vacuuming the gym afterwards.

My time was 14:29, which, doubled to a 5k, is under 29 minutes (but we all know it doesn't work that way).  If it did work that way, I could just multiply it out and say that I could run a marathon in four hours.  Or run across the country in under three weeks.  Ridiculous.  I will never run further than 5k, and I'll be lucky to do it in under 30 minutes on Thanksgiving.

So, tonight (Monday) I will run a mile as fast as I can, and do my Day Two workout.  Upon the wise advice of my friend (and run-day companion) Ryan, I will take it easy and not work out or run on Tuesday or Wednesday.  I will eat a pasta meal Wednesday night, get a full eight hours of sleep that night, arrive early and stretch, and then go for it!

I am just DAYS away from never running again!  Woo hoo!

Tonight I will return here to report on how fast I ran the mile...then you'll hear back from me on Thanksgiving, with race results and reveling.

Run #29: Another 5k Under My Belt

Did it again.  (No, that's not me.  I'm not THAT round anymore.)

I joyfully realized today that I really only had four runs left: tonight, Friday, Tuesday and Thanksgiving.  Thus, I decided to forgo the 8-minute mile and just try to run 5k for the rest of my runs.

Well, that was dumb.  After doing yet another 5k tonight, I wonder why I would want to do that to myself.

I did it in 29:21, which is essentially a tie for my record (29:20), if you allow a margin of error of a half second for the signal to get from the STOP button to the treadmill's CPU.

So, yeah, that was pretty awesome of me.

But it was very, very hard.  I wanted to just stop a whole bunch of times - until I got a mile from the finish and decided I just HAD to keep going.  I told  myself the first mile was easy, so why should the last mile be any different?

I am SUCH a liar.

But that's okay, I'm not that gullible and didn't fall for that crap.  The last mile sucked.

Actually the whole run sucked after the first half mile or so.  At one mile, the Klingon started having a party on my shoulder.  (By the way, I love the internet.  You want a picture of a Klingon in a party hat, type in a few words into the search engine, and bingo.)  Anyway, as the minutes passed, he started to invite his friends to join in, and they started attacking my body, piece by piece.  (Yes, yes, I know, those guys were not really his friends; they died before that first Klingon was even born).

The point is, I found that breathing - being able to breathe and catch my breath and continue on - was not a problem.  The problem was my hurting and tired body.  Which tells me . . . that I really hate running.

I am so excited to almost be done.  But I do not think I will run another 5k on Friday.  Maybe, but I doubt it.  Same goes for Tuesday.  We'll see.

Tonight's music:
1) Blues From a Gun - Jesus & Mary Chain (good start up song)
2) Head On - Jesus & Mary Chain (good second song)
3) Step On - Happy Mondays (always fun)
4) No Surrender - Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band (ideal for 6.4 mph pace, and the message came at the right time, as I wanted to quit right about then, but how can you when The Boss is saying "No retreat, baby, no surrender"?)
5) Badlands - Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band (eh, it was okay, I guess.  Hard to say because I was just miserable at this point)
6) Stand Here With Me - Creed (This song came on way too loud and was hurting my ears, but it's hard to fiddle with the iPod controls in my arm band when I am running.  Good song, though.)
7) Heaven - Live (I finished a minute before this song was over)

On the way home, I had that awful "runner's high" again.  I'm serious - I do NOT like that feeling of my brain rushing and my senses heightened and my nerves all jangly.  I've always preferred (medically speaking) narcotics to stimulants.  I hate caffeine (I make allowances for the trace amounts in chocolate).  I would rather be sleepy and relaxed than wakey and jittery.

Just one more reason why I hate running.

Run #28: Even Shorter

...and it's only Monday.  (No, that's not me.)

Well, I got out too late, was too tired, and ate too much dinner...

So, although I had intended to try to run an 8 minute mile, I only ran a 4 minute half-mile.  Which makes me half as good as that guy who ran the 4-minute mile.  I guess.

Okay, I'll try again Wednesday.  :(

I can't believe there's only 10 days until the 5k.  That's only like 5 more practice runs.  I can't believe I only have to run 6 more times in my life!  YAY!

Okay.  So, here's the plan: Wednesday I will really try to run a mile as fast as I can.  It may not be 8 minutes, but whatever.  Then I will slow it down for the next two runs and do a full 5k for each, no matter how long it takes.  Then, on the last practice run (the day before the 5k), I will try for one more 30 minute 5k.  Then I do the real run.

Here's hoping I can pull this off.

Run #27: Short & Sweet

Friday, I'm going for plaid!

Tonight I got out late, and had to vacuum the gym before getting on the treadmill, so I didn't have high hopes.

At about a half mile or so, I decided to just go for speed and see how fast I could complete a mile - so I hiked up the speed and went as fast as I could (in bursts).

Did the 1.0 miles in 9:02.

It really made my legs HURT, but... the short duration is very appealing - so I'm thinking I will spend the next two or three runs trying to do an 8 minute mile.  I figure it's a very tough goal (I'll have to maintain 7.5 mph the whole way).  And hey - if I'm half as good as that guy who ran a four minute mile, that's all right by me!

PLUS, then, when I return to (what I consider) distance running (that is, the 5k), my pace of 6.2 or 6.4 mph will seem SLOW after all that sprinting... it'll make it seem like cake, even if I do have to run for 29 minutes or so.

So, that's the plan.

I may hate running, but at least I've figured out several ways to trick myself into hating it slightly less (sometimes).

Run #26: Did it Again

5k is a long way! (No, that's not me, but it is certainly how I feel.)

The title of this blog has never been more appropriate. 

I really thought I was going to collapse tonight.  But, despite having an almost overwhelming desire to stop at least 32 times (and that was only after the 40% point) - I went ahead and did a whole 5k again - and I did it in 29:24 (four seconds short of my record, but 36 seconds better than my goal).

Oh, and I finally figured out what the "runner's high" is - it's what I *was* back on Thanksgiving Day last year when I said "I'm going to do this again next year!" and "I'll do it in under 30 minutes!"

I had a tough week last week (in terms of not doing a good job of getting to the gym).  So, tonight was doubly hard.  I am exhausted.

Tonight I picked a selection of songs that had been good for running previously (I didn't want to do any experimenting and end up with a situation like this again). 

Thanksgiving cannot come soon enough!!

hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate it

Run #25: The Slacker Run

No, that's not me.  Well, yes, it WAS me tonight.  But that's not actually me.

Fine, I admit it - I did a totally lame run tonight.  Yes, yes, I maintained a good pace (6.4 the whole way), but I only ran HALF of a 5k (1.55 miles).  I'm tired, it's late, I gotta get up early, I ate too much, blah blah blah...

So, yeah.  Pretty lame, huh?

My time was 14:32, which, if doubled to 5k would be 29:04, which would be awesome - but I seriously doubt I could do that, even on a good day.  Ah well, I can't be spectacular all the time, I guess.

Tonight's music:
1) Pure - The Lightning Seeds
2) Darklands - The Jesus & Mary Chain
3) Coast to Coast - The Jesus & Mary Chain (perfect song for a 6.4 running pace)
3) Blues From a Gun - The Jesus & Mary Chain (didn't even finish this song)

As I ran tonight, and looked across the room to my bobbing reflection in the floor-to-ceiling gym mirrors, I listened to these tunes from my youth and pondered on how weird the whole thing is.

I mean, 20 years ago, when I first listened to that music, I was young and fit and invincible.  I never would have DREAMED that one day I would be actually running on a treadmill.  Treadmills, I believed, were just for this guy's rehab.  It would have been ludicrous - the concept that I would one day drive through a heavy snowfall (as I did tonight) just to go to an empty gym and do something I loathe...and then go home, get on a computer and write about it, then publish that writing in a great invisible electronic medium that allows anyone and everyone in the world to read it.  And the idea that I would actually NEED to get on that treadmill.  That I would ever be so OLD.

Well, I am this old - very, very old.  And so I did it.  True, I didn't do a great job tonight, but I did break a good sweat, get well-winded, get a little sore, and hopefully did my heart some good.

It's so weird being old.

And I hate running.